Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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