Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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