I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i now understand why vodka
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
