its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
