I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
