curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
