i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
