If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
