btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sober January is a disaster.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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