Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
