I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
