I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
