omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
