dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
