I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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