i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
