if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
