Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
