Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
