i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
