Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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