Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
