What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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