six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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