It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
