I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
