You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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