when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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