There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
