girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
