i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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