Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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