You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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