Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
