I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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