I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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