u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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