i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
