It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Randomize
