She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
