if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
