Ambien. No doubt about it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
