My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
