he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
