Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
