why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
