Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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