if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
