Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
