dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
