i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
