I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
