Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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