My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
