Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
