Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
