Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
