I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
