She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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