I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
