not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
