I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
