i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just pee around me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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