Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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