Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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