i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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