yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
