Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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