I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she told me i tasted like america
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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