normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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