apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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