i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
